First Day on the [New] Job

The new boss is out for a quick sandwich, and so I’m here for a quick update – determined to commit to my new blog and renewed determination that I can write what I want, damnit.

And so here I am.

I’m exhausted. I’m just about ready to drop, actually. I was up until past midnight last night, playing around with stock imges for the header here and worrying about how today would go. Geekgirl kept talking yelling in her sleep and startling me awake. I would be at the door to her room before I was even awake. Of course, she was always asleep by then.  Once I realized what she had said (“I want a cookie!”) (“I want to go outside!”) (“Go away, doggie!”) I realized she was just dreaming. And yet, I was then up. Awake. Around 3:30am I was up every half our when one or the other kid woke up and fussed/talked/yelled/giggled/stirred/sighed/turned over.  Such is the role of a mother, right? A coworker once told me that there is a phrase in German for a sleeping mother – and when translated, it actually means something to the effect of  “wakeful sleep”. (Anyone know what the phrase is? I couldn’t figure out how to effectively Google it.) I have to remind myself: This too shall pass.

I’ve been spending the whole morning and afternoon viewing bo-ring and slightly out-of-date training materials on the system I am supposed to be administrating (is that a word?) as well as trying desperately to get this new work laptop to have all the same awesome settings as my previous work computer. See, I had nearly three years of customizations on that machine. Now I am starting all over! I have to remind myself: This too shall pass.

Considering that our family has moved nine times in the last 4 years (the entire time my husband and I have known each other), getting ready to move again in three weeks – you’d think I would adapt to change easily. And if you think about it, I probably do adapt better than most. I boxed up all my things from L, and moved right into my cube here. It almost feels like home.  I brought my personal files, will be updating my background soon, installed all my Firefox Add-ons, etc.  Soon, I have to do it with our home again. This morning, I had to program the GPS to bring me to a new office so I wouldn’t accidentally go back to L. It’s just odd.

I miss my same-old same-old route to work. I miss seeing the folks I’ve seen for years at the office. I miss my old boss. I miss my friends.

While I’m confessing, I miss everything. I miss high school. Yes, I know, I know… but on some level, the simplicity of it all (relative) and the friends and the fun and the startling lack of responsibility… I am envious of that younger self.

I went to the salon yesterday to get my hair done (pictures soon, I promise). The salon is in the mall, and while I was there, I noticed all the young women and girls, strutting around in their makeup and fancy shoes, no strollers, no diaper bags, no spit-up, no dark circles under their eyes, no desperate graps on a Starbucks cup as if it were thier only salvation.

And for a moment, I envy them.

Then I think of my girls. I think of my husband, our family, the memories we are creating, the life we are creating, that we share every day. As I was thinking of that, of the transition from young woman to mother, I saw an old couple sitting near the elevator, holding hands.

I realized that certain truths and progressions wil lnever change. We will all be irresponsible when we are young. We will all struggle with change. We will all transition, some painfully, to middle age. We will all get old. Our waist lines may get thicker and our pants ride a little higher… our hair may get shorter and our vision blurrier. We will be wiser, and no one will take us seriously, because the youths will be busy with fun! sun! adventure!

I guess what I’m saying is this:

Today is the first day of a new job. In a few weeks, it will be our first night in a new apartment (again). This scenario, this adapting to change will happen in our lifes over and over again, on scales large and small. It serves a purpose – to take us further down our life path.

If the end of my life path puts me sitting in the mall with my husband, our children grown and healthy, our vision blurry, our pants at our nipples, holding hands and watching the foolishness of the next generations… I’ll call that a win.

This too shall pass. But until it does, I’ll savor every moment. Because the fact is, it will pass. And when it doesn, that’s it. We can’t get these days back. So tonight, when my daughter talks in her sleep about cookies and Special Agent Oso, I’ll jump out of bed. When my other daughter stirs and sighs, I’ll leap up, ready to make a bottle or return a pacifier to it’s rightful place. Because soon they won’t need that from me. Too son. This too shall pass. Unfortunately.