I’m a bit of a Debbie Downer today, I’m afraid. For some reason I’m in a slump, and I can’t get out.
I know why, of course. I’ve been mainly useless all week. I am home alone, which you’d think would be awesome, but has not been awesome, at all. It’s just a lot of bad TV, soreness, guilt and frustration. Add to that an unhealthy paranoia about the sounds and thumps and bumps of an apartment building and bad weather…. well, I’m not exactly a barrel of laughs this week.
My mother has been stressing me out tremendously. My girls are growing up and I’m afraid, deep inside, of losing them, of missing something, of forgetting these days. I want to blog about their lives and so many funny things they do but I stop, because I can’t say it right or it’s not quite long enough, because I am somehow holding on to this idea that my writing has to be better. I shouldn’t care. This is my space and I shouldn’t care.
This post certainly isn’t a winner.
I have so many things on my to-do list that have remained untouched for so long… it seems I will never get to it. When I finally have the time, they’ve sat for so long I am daunted by the task, and I put it off or avoid it entirely. Ugh. A week of no laundry, no dishes, no cleaning… my apartment is a disaster and I hate that. I hate it when it’s completely out of control and I know I’m the one who is going to be cleaning it all, because though my husband is a dear, he can’t clean worth a damn.
Oh, he tries. It’s just a big fail. Sorry honey. I love you. But it’s a fail. (FAIL!) (Ok, that made me smile.)
I’ll leave on the smiling note. Maybe tomorrow I can get my shit together and post about the adorable outfits I got second-hand yesterday, or the awesomeness that is my oldest daughter’s bedroom, finally the bedroom she deserves, thanks to my mother. (See, it’s not all bad with her.)
Thanks for letting me vent, internet.
We all have these moments…sorry you feel in a slump, hope you come out of it soon!
~K
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 11:59 AM
@Kel, I’m sure it’s only temporary… I hope. I think the empty house is really getting to me. But it’s raining outside, so that’s not too appealing, either! Thanks.
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Silly question – Are you taking vitamins? I’m taking B, C, D and a fish oil supplement and it really seems to help with my overall moods. Believe me, your words could be coming out of MY BRAIN…I have an idea of how you are feeling.
Take care of yourself ok?
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 12:01 PM
@Jo, thanks. I’m not taking any vitamins, but maybe I should! I’ve heard good things about all of those supplements. What fish oil supplement do you use? I hear some can make you smell pretty… err…fishy.
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Aw. Hugs to you sweetie!
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 19th, 2009 at 1:02 PM
@Miss Grace, hugs are good. thanks!
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I’m sorry, I had a few days like that myself this week. Except Husbandrinka didn’t try to clean, I failed FAILED all by myself.
But I actually sat and cried because I was feeling that my kids are growing up so quickly. I was really fit to be filmed for some TLC special about psycho moms.
And you know what else? The lying bloggers (who have been exposed) really upset me. Like seriously.
Anyway, I hope that you’re feeling better!
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christy Reply:
June 29th, 2009 at 7:40 PM
@Marinka, What lying bloggers is she referring to? I’m curious.
And yes, I am SURE we all have days like this. Weeks even. Hope you’re feeling better now!
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 30th, 2009 at 9:49 AM
@Marinka, what lying bloggers ARE you talking about? Email me, I feel as if I’ve missed something vital and I could use an outlet for my anger. lol. Feeling better now, so thank you!
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Except for the needing to heal (at least the physical things) and the having girls part, this post sounds like everything in my head. You are not alone. Heck, a few minutes ago, I broke down in tears because my husband called from the road to say he was on his way home and was stopping to get something to eat and can he bring me Chinese and I had just finished yet another in a long line of sandwiches I eat daily (I don’t eat multiples daily, but one every day)(see? Like do I even have to explain that? My head and all the stuff in it…), and so I couldn’t have Chinese, and I don’t even want it, but still. Blah. We’ve all been there. We’re all there. It’s OK. I mean, I have to think it is, but if it’s not, I want in on that TLC program pitch of Marinka’s!
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 30th, 2009 at 9:48 AM
@foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog), geez I’m late replying. Apparently a short depression and a surgery can do that to ya. So anyway…. thanks, because your comment is awesome, and yes, the reality show sounds good. lol. Also, please go eat something other than a sandwich, you need more excitement in your life! ::wink wink::
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I have days, weeks even whole months like that. I know that I just have to do one thing at a time but I don’t. I let things sit and pile up and then have a massive freakout about it. Probably not the best way to handle it but thats the way it is right now.
I hope things get better for you soon. I think feeling better physically will help a lot.
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 30th, 2009 at 9:50 AM
@But Why Mommy, Funny, Anymommy said the same thing (after you)… I guess we all have times like this. Sucks, but at least we aren’t alone, yes?
Here’s to trying to relax and ignore the piles (I failed last night, but today is a new day!)
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I understand. Feel better soon!
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 30th, 2009 at 9:49 AM
@Jenn, thank you Jenn! I’m feeling better now. Hope you’re doing well, too!
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Any time
I hope you are feeling lighter. You’re healing, we all (truly, truly) have days (weeks, months?) like this.
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MommyGeek Reply:
June 30th, 2009 at 9:49 AM
@anymommy, I am feeling much better now… despite all this crap-ass rain. Thank you.
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