Girl Talk Thursday – p0rn and marraige

Look, I totally got this up ON THURSDAY!

Porn. Oh, Lordy — what a can of worms I’ve opened up by posting this. Google Pervs, welcome to MommyGeekology. It is not what you expected.  Move along!

I like porn. DG and I watch together from time to time as part of our sexual relations, and I find that it really does help to spice things up. We are interested in a very specific kind of porn, and honestly, I’m a little reluctant to post it here.

Oh, what the hell? I’ll lose a few readers, but at least I’ve been honest. Geez, Girl Talk Thursday is really turning out to be a sort of confessional for me, huh? First I’m bisexual, and now I’m about to tell you that I we enjoy bondage.

omgIwanttodeletethatbutIamnotgoingto.

I don’t know what you’ve heard on the subject, or whether you’ve heard of it at all. I can tell you that we are of the milder variety, and I can tell you that it’s something that has been sensual and sexual to me for my entire life. When I was younger, I didn’t realize why I wanted to go be alone when I watched those shows where the woman is tied to the railroad tracks, but I did. I loved the Nancy Drew books, because inevitably she was captured, bound, and had to struggle her way out.  It made me squirm.  It still does.

I’m a little more sophisticated, now. I’ve done my reading, and DG and I have established our comfort zone, our limits. I’ve learned the difference between Bondage, D/s and S&M. We’ve learned that I don’t like 99% of S&M – I’ve learned that 24/7 D/s is not a lifestyle that we want to practice. We’ve read books about safety and technique, and purchased special tools and accessories to ensure that our experience does not end badly – tragically.  We don’t participate in bondage in any of its extreme forms, anyway, so the risk is slight. We do not open our relationship to other individuals or couples, lessening the risk even more.

I am a very strong woman. Many would say that my personality is very Type-A, very dominant, very “I wear the pants.”  Though my mother refuses to recognize it, I am the matriarch in my family. In that role, I make many decisions, and I am held responsible for nearly every aspect of our lives. I pay bills, I clean house, I plan dinners (though I don’t dare cook them!), I care for sick children, I care for well children, I organize clothes, fold laundry, schedule activities, and keep us on a budget and a diet (sort of).

Is it so strange, then, to want to simply not make any more decisions? To give myself completely, wholly, to my husband and to trust in him and his magic penis hands? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s so unusual to want to know and to feel that he is stronger than I, that he is dominant, that he can protect me and, yes, pleasure me. I don’t think, for me, that it’s so unusual that all I want sometimes is to simply submit.

There is a power in that decision, an immense power. To decide to give yourself, your body and your mind over in that way is a powerful gift and privilege for the receiver.  And if I were to decide that I no longer wanted to give that trust, that power, to him – I would not.

Pornography is wonderful to help set the mood when we are ready.  Sex as a parent takes an immense amount of planning as it is – hardly sexy – add the props and special situation of bondage and D/s into the mix, and it’s a scheduling nightmare. A 10-minute pornographic video clip definitely helps us both release our tension from the day and remember how to touch and look at each other as lovers and not as “that other person who helps with the kids and the house.”

I won’t be surprised to check my FeedBurner stats tomorrow and see that my readership has dropped to single-digits – but you know what? That’s OK. I feel freer having said it. I feel relieved.

I can tell you now that it took me twenty minutes to get a damn corset on Tuesday night, and then I realized I had it on backwards (who puts the laces IN THE FRONT?) so I couldn’t wear it after all, but settled for a sexy dress I got for dirt on Red Tag Crazy and that worked to get us in the mood.

I can tell you now that when we were moving, I forgot to put all those toys away separately, and J and DG pulled out the drawer from under the bed and our entire sex life was exposed, right there, for all to see. J didn’t say anything, lol.

I can tell you now that I was never able to orgasm before my husband I started practicing bondage and D/s.

I can tell you now that I write erotic stories.

I can tell you, now, that yes I am a kinky bitch. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.