No matter what I do, it’s never good enough for you.
It makes me blue.
I try so hard to be sympathetic,
But no matter what you think I don’t get it.
Despite emails, letters, calls, and hugs,
You accuse me of sweeping your problems under the rug.
Your pain is palpable, and it affects me,
Sometimes I feel like I’ve run out of sympathy,
I want to make it go away,
But comes back day after day.
This poem sucks, but no matter,
You’ll never read it.
I like to think that last bit was poetic,
But honestly? It’s probably pathetic.
My English teacher would be ashamed,
Bad Poetry: One more thing for which I’m blamed.
You’ve said I’m uncaring, callous and selfish,
I’m not sure why you can’t see through my defense(ish).
You analyze every single action,
You don’t see my attempted benefaction.
It matters not how hard I try,
For in the end – I’ll surely cry.
Whether by your own hand,
Or “Nautrally,”
When you’re gone I’ll feel empty.
You seem to think that I don’t care,
But I care too much – none left to spare.
Your every word, wince, tear and scream
Hurt me more than you’ve ever seen.
I love you, not sure how to go on
When it’s clear you think I’m so wrong.
“I’ll never fix you before I die” you say,
That is how you hurt me today.
Tomorrow, it’ll be another phrase,
While I wander, crying, through this maze.
I’m so sorry that you’re hurting, and I’m so sorry that you are so scared. I’m scared too. I just wish that you didn’t hurt me in your attempts to feel better.
I’m so sorry she does too. xo.
anymommy´s last blog ..September Rain
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:15 PM
@anymommy, mostly I’m sorry I published that horrible poem that I wrote in about 10 minutes. Sigh. Having a “publish” button can really be a risk, ha. Sorry you had to read this!
And thank you.
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This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday –
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/09/five-star-fridays-edition-70.html
schmutzie´s last blog ..Employment Couselling At The Deli
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:13 PM
@schmutzie, Thanks!
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I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
But Why Mommy´s last blog ..Snapshot
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 11th, 2009 at 2:14 PM
@But Why Mommy, I’m tempted to say “ehhhh” — because what can I do? But instead, I’ll just say thank you.
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*hugs*
i’m sorry
it sucks
the love for your girls will be everything more in spite of it or because of it
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:26 AM
@shannonannon, I think you’re absolutely correct.
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omg i FINALLY got in.
((HUGS)) i’m just sorry that any of this is going on.
becky´s last blog ..8 years
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:26 AM
@becky, glad you finally got in! and blargh, life sucks sometimes, but today is a better day. Focusing on that.
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What can I say? You deserve better. The fact that you know it doesn’t change anything – but I hope it helps a little that the rest of us do (know – that is).
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..Polarn O. Pyret Winner and Other Giveaways to Enter
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:05 AM
@Kate Coveny Hood, it does, thank you. And it helps that anyone even read it. Helps to write it. Also, cheaper than therapy.
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Oh hon.
I know what it’s like to have one of those posts that feel almost too revealing and personal and squishy.
But. Letting things out — to people that do care — is the best thing to do. And we do care. And I, for one, think what you have to put up with is atrocious.
You’re wonderful and I love you for it.
Muchos hugs, MG, you’ll always have me on your side.
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:02 AM
@Matt, don’t make me cry, my keyboard will short out. Thank you.
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I wish that she wouldn’t do this. I’m so, so sorry.
Marinka´s last blog ..9/10
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:02 AM
@Marinka, it’s so strange to see a serious comment from you. But I appreciate it, because I know how humor is your thing. *kisses* (oh, wait, you don’t like those, huh? How about a hearty handshake?)
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I’m sorry she does this, and I’m sorry you have to endure it. I imagine that putting distance between you two may be impossible in the physical sense, but sometimes, speaking from experience, stepping away for some time can be helpful. It’s not permanently so, of course, and sometimes you’re dealt a guilt card that is unfair as a result, but you are not the person she’s created you to be (if that makes sense) and you know it. I really think you know it. I’m so, so sorry.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog ..future employers, take heed!
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 9:01 AM
@foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog), because of the kids, we can’t right now. It’s complicated because it comes in waves. I wish I could say she was all horrible – it would be easier to step away. But regardless of how she makes me feel sometimes, she loves my kids. My kids love her. She has never hurt them. I can’t rip them away from her.
But thank you, and that last part *did* make sense.
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Oh honey, tons of hugs.
C, you can’t change her. Only you. Only how you take it on. I know you wish she’d change, but she’s likely never going to. But over time you may be able to change how it effects you. Because you deserve better. You deserve a caring, loving, kind mother. Because you, my beautiful friend, are amazing.
Issa´s last blog ..Just when I thought I couldn’t love her more
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 8:57 AM
@Issa, she is loving and caring, and kind. Just, not all the time.
You’re amazing, and thank you for your nice words. *muah*
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“I’ll never fix you before I die”…. Anyone who actually says this to you is being abusive. Just from the content of this poem it sounds like your M has a personality disorder. Seriously. She sounds much like my MIL, and she does. You don’t need fixing.
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MommyGeek Reply:
September 17th, 2009 at 8:51 AM
@Muirgen, it’s very complicated. If you could hear her say it… I know that doesn’t change how much it hurt me. She sounds hurt, too. I’m not sure how to explain.
The situation is far from ideal. There are a lot of contributing factors, and though I’m sure it’s not a personality disorder, it IS severe depression. And that comes in many, many horrible flavors.
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