A General Rule

If you asked a group of 10 people whether “honesty is the best policy” you’d probably find that about 8 out of 10 say Hell Yes and give you a lecture about the dangers and treachery of lying, tangled webs and whatnot. I don’t necessarily disagree – I’m quite honest on this blog.

As a general rule in my life, I try to live by this motto: “If you have the balls to ask me, I’ll have the balls to answer you.”

Maybe that’s not a smart motto. And Lord knows I don’t always manage to live up to it – but I try. I’m human, fallible, and it’s all I can do. I have the hardest time being honest with my family – my mother, brother, and sister – because since I was a teenager it was always assumed I was lying. It didn’t matter – I was lying. Sometimes it seems like I might as well – I mean, dammit, I’m going to be accused of lying anyway, right? So yes, sometimes I do lie to my mother, my brother, my sister. I think we all do from time to time. Even beyond the “I’m fine!” response to “How are you?” in the grocery store while you have tears pricking the corners of your eyes, or “I love it!” when you unwrap that birthday present to find an adult-sized bubble-gum pink sweater with a crude unicorn crocheted in the center.

Sometimes it’s just *easier* to lie than to tell the complicated truth. But usually it’s not.

Sometimes, *certain members* of my family would rather hear the lie – because the truth would cause a rift too big to ever cross again. Sometimes the lie is what we need to tell ourselves to get ourselves through the next day.

I’ve thought about honesty a lot and I do try to ensure I am as honest as possible. I don’t know if you can tell from any of my more recent blog posts, but I’ve decided that I can feel safe here – in this space – I mean, might as well go for it right? If the blog is found by someone I don’t want to find it, and they share they with my family… well it’s not like I haven’t been honest. I can at least say that. I won’t lie here. These are my feelings. This is my life as I see it. You don’t like it? Go see something else. Am I right? (Yes, yes I am.)

So. With that said, I was pretty pleased to see that Colleen and then Psychmamma had given me a little bloggity blog award. I don’t usually get these sort of things, or participate in memes, but this one goes along with my theme here on ye olde blogge, so here it is:

There are some rules for this award, but I’m not much for rules (unless I make them) so I’d like to do something a little differently. Normally, the rules are to say 10 honest things about oneself and pass this along to 7 others.

I’d like to challenge you.

I want you to write something completely, 100% brutally honest. If you can’t write it on your blog, but would like to get it up for the world to see, feel free to email me and I’ll post them anonymously here over the next week(or weeks, depending on how popular this is)(or isn’t, you might never see this again!)(or I could make shit up and post it anonymously. but that would sort of go against the essence of this huh?)(ok I won’t make anything up. I’ll leave that to someone funnier. Like Marinka. Hey, Marinka! This is a great idea for your next blog post!)

Write something honest. Post it to your blog. Comments on, comments off, I don’t care, but I want a link to it, dammit. If you don’t have a blog but want to own it, feel free to post it here in the comments. I may end up reposting your comment, so beware.

Hell even if you write it and save it as a draft and tuck it away in a dark, secret folder on your computer never to be opened again, just do it. This is a good exercise. And it’ll help get whatever is on your chest, off your chest.

I have a post started about my struggle with post partum depression that’s been sitting in my drafts folder for months. I am going to finish that post, however long it takes. And I promise you I will post it here as soon as I can.

Meanwhile, I will post 10 honest things about myself:

• I hate loud chewers, lip smackers and people who swish the spit around in their mouth while eating. It makes me actually cringe. If I am sitting next to you at dinner and I start furiously digging at my ear with my finger, I am probably seriously annoyed by someone around us. If it’s just the two of us, it’s you. Stop eating. (just kidding on that last bit) (sort of)
• I sing Backyardigan’s songs to myself when the kids aren’t around and I like it. One of my favorites is the Volcano Sister’s song, the one at the end where they almost blow up the volcano. That’s awesome.
• I joined the Phineas and Ferb Wiki and read all about Dr Doofenshmirtz’s life.
• I used to play the saxophone in middle school, but the only thing I remember now is Ode to an Orange.
• I still don’t have my degree in anything, and a lot of the time that makes me feel like a gigantic failure.
• The scars from my gallbladder surgery really bother me. It’s just three tiny incision points but they still bother me. One more thing about that region of my body that I despise. I even covered them with makeup the last time DaddyGeek and I had sex.
• Sometimes I sweep the kitchen and then push all the dust and stuff under the stove instead of putting it in a dustbin and throwing it out.
• I regret how little I remember of my life. I just have a bad memory. It’s depressing.
• Sometimes I feel like all I do is bitch, and I hate that.
• I like to take pictures of my feet when I’m in a random place trying to take pictures to “capture” the moment. I don’t know why. DaddyGeek makes fun of me for it and says I have a foot fetish. I do NOT have a foot fetish.

Gauntlet down.