Today’s Girl Talk Thursday post is about being chicken. I wasn’t going to post at first.. but then I realized it’s a topic I should probably talk about. For myself.
I’m terrified of a lot of things, but most of all failure. I’m too scared to fail, and as a result, I’m often too scared to try. I’m too scared to try making something of my singing talent. I have said how many times I would post a singing vlog here? You haven’t seen one other than Renee’s birthday song. There’s a reason for that. It’s not really that I’m too busy, or can’t find time alone… I could, if I really wanted to. I could say to DaddyGeek “Hey, I need a few minutes alone. I’m headed to the bedroom. Watch the kids!” but I don’t.
I know I shouldn’t be. Failure isn’t such a bad thing, and I don’t want my kids to grow up feeling that failure is something that never, or never should, happen. I know I’ve had success – I was afraid to try web design, but now I have a veritable small business.
I daydream about trying out for American Idol. I know, I know, you’ve probably heard me scoff at the idea. But secretly I wonder if I could make it. But instead of hiring a vocal coach, making time for my voice, and planning to go next year to auditions, I haven’t done it.
There are choirs I could audition to join. I don’t. I make the excuse that I don’t have time, energy, etc. I say that my interests have changed, that I don’t want to focus my life around music anymore, that technology is my thing now. Technology IS my thing. But music.. music is in my soul.
I feel like I failed at being a music student. I never knew the things the other students knew.. I couldn’t tell you whether a classical piece was Bach or Beethoven by listening to it. I had trouble transposing 4 bars of music at a time. Hell, I had trouble transposing one. I couldn’t play piano very well. I never got any solos. I was failing music theory, despite my fierce love for composition, before I dropped out completely.
I sing like a maniac in the car if I’m alone. After 5 years of marraige, I’ve just gotten to the point when sometimes I can sing in front of him in the car. Sometimes.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know where this post is going. I don’t have an epiphany for you. I can’t promise to get a vlog of my singing up here anytime soon. I doubt I’ll be gunning to be the next YouTube singing wonder.
But at least it’s out there.
*squishes you tight*
Fear of failure is so overwhelming and can freeze you in place. Hate it.
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I knew the second I hit publish someone was going to remind me of something I’d forgotten to include.
Singing in front of anyone. Yeah, that’s me. After 10 years together, I till have a hard time singing in front of D. He loves it when I do but I think I sound like a cat that is getting crushed under a steam roller.
avasmommy´s last blog ..Giving the Readers What They Want
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I can’t wait to hear you.
MAria´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – being a chicken
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If you post a vlog I will too. We can cringe in fear together. <3
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I thinke veryone has that very same fear. I know I certainly share it.
As far as I know, there are peole with music as a technical knowledge, and people with soulful knowledge. One does not preclude the other, and you are a member of that second group. Music is part of your being.
As far as failure goes, I don’t have any wise words of wisdom. We face it when we are ready, or when we are forced. I’ve not been greatly successful in that department so far, but I’m hopeful. And I’m hopeful for you. Good luck! *hugs*
Kellee´s last blog ..Pardon my dust
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I SWEAR I didn’t read your post before writing mine.
Miss Grace´s last blog ..GTT – Scared Something Fierce
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SING GIRL! I wanna hear it!
Colleen´s last blog ..Jacksonville Friends of Maddie
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Failure is the hardest thing to accept…I know, it is my kryptonite. I’ve learned to try and not focus so much on it because it has kept me from starting many things because I was so afraid i would succeed and if that is the case, then why bother? I’ve tried a few new things I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed a few too, but in the end the experience and the life lessons I took away from it have been far greater than I could have imagined. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith right?!
~K
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Dude, do it, but be a performer. Create a character. Do as someone else. Maybe you’ll feel less naked…
Kami´s last blog ..All Fall Down: My Worst Fear
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I would love to hear you sing. Hope you feel brave enough to post that vlog…
Kate Coveny Hood´s last blog ..AND I Do Reviews…
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I would LOVE to hear you sing. In fact, I DARE you! (and you cant dare me back. MY rules)
pamela´s last blog ..I’m Too Chicken To…
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