We’ve always had trouble with Cupcake & naps. She’s 3.5 now, and the mistakes that we made over, oh, the last three years are coming back to bit us in the ass, repeatedly, continuously.
A few months ago we finally got to a point where she was falling asleep within 15 minutes or so. We were still sitting in the room with her while she went to sleep, but we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. A time when we could read her a story, give her a kiss and be on our merry way while she put herself to sleep in her bed like a big girl.
Three weeks ago something changed. I don’t know what it was, but something triggered a bad reaction from her, a bad naptime, a bad experience… and now naptime at our house stresses her out to the point that (again) sometime she wakes up, panics, and vomits.
I feel like the worst mother in the world.
I didn’t recognize the signs quickly enough. For the first two weekends after the change, I reacted badly. I threw my own tantrums right alongside hers. I yelled and threatened, I revoked movie privileges and refused ice cream requests. I cried and I told her I was disappointed in her. I reacted badly.
I should have realized that she was in fight or flight mode. I should have recognized the signs of stress. I should have nipped it in the bud. Ultimately my reaction those two weeks just made it worse.
It took two and a half hours yesterday to get her to take her nap. She finally fell asleep after I changed my approach. I resolved to be calm – so calm, in fact, that she asked me why I was acting like a statue. I was determined to simply place her back in the bed when she sat up, stood up, rolled over, wiggled around. I resolved to calmly tell her over and over again that this was naptime, not playtime, and that we needed to sleep so our bodies could get a chance to grow and be strong. So we could have a good afternoon. So Mommy could get rid of her headache. So she could watch a movie/play outside/have ice cream after dinner.
It took about 40 more minutes for her to calm down, but she finally did. I saw her relax, and I took my chance. I asked her if she wanted to try napping again. She agreed, and she was out cold in less than 10 minutes.
I’m trying to focus on the final success, the tactic that worked. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I managed to finally step outside her room, take one minute to sob and one minute to collect myself, and walk back in with a better attitude. It’s hard, but I need to stop getting stressed by her. I am the parent, I need to be in control.
I am trying not to remember that when Geeklet woke up from her nap two minutes after Cupcake fell asleep that I cried like a two year old. I am trying not to remember that half an hour later, when I realized DaddyGeek wasn’t coming back after work because he was starting his night class, that I felt like screaming and I stomped around the apartment for a few minutes, irrationally angry at him.
I’m trying to focus on the good and on improving, because nothing else is worthwhile. At this point, my little girl needs me to help her stop being scared. And focusing on anything else is just a waste of time.