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BlogHer09 Recap with a dash of Flashback.

Categories: about mommygeekology, making memories | Tags: ,

I am not the girl I used to be.

A week ago today, I boarded a JetBlue plane (won’t fly any other airline) headed for Chicago.  I was on a mission: to meet my friends online and prove to myself, and every other doubter, that they were not in fact old men pretending to be women, mothers, friends.

A week ago today, I thought I knew who I was. By Thursday night last week, I started to realize how much I’ve changed without even realizing.

***

In high school, I was well known within my wide circle of friends. At BHS, the music department was large and well-funded. We produced a musical each year, countless concerts and several classes of music theory entering composition contests locally and nationally.  We went to Disney to march in the parade every other year. The department was large, and there were times that I felt as if I were part of the proverbial upper-crust. As a sophomore, I landed a leading female part in the school’s rendition of Damn Yankees (I was Meg). I can still remember the exhilarating feeling of belting out my solo – “Six Months” – in front of a few hundred people three nights in a row.

When I wasn’t on stage, the underclassmen looked to me for advice and example; the upperclassmen were my friends and peers. The teachers and I had great relationships and I considered my band director a friend. I spent hours looping around the school in socks after hours, during long practices and rehearsal hours, dispensing advice and humor alike with my friends.  I was outgoing. I was funny. I was mature for my age. I was a mother hen. I was bearer of a flat stomach and subtle hourglass figure. I was clean – no drugs, no alcohol. I was admired. Most of all, I was outgoing. I could make friends in any crowd, and I had no fear at a party or in a room full of unknowns.

***

Fast forward to last week.

***

I spent the entire weekend feeling unsure of myself. It started early Thursday morning, as we boarded the plane to Chicago at 7:30am, my fellow passengers and I. I almost stopped myself as I crossed the threshold to the plane. I nearly turned around and went home, back where I knew the rules and the players and I could meet the expectations.  I didn’t. I sat down in seat C4, next to a friendly-looking girl about my age who slept the entire time. I couldn’t sleep, my stomach was fluttery. I couldn’t tweet, there was no WiFi.  I watched my little individual TV and listened to some music, trying to doze a bit but mostly wondering what the day would bring.

I knew, but I didn’t quite know, what the next four days would bring. I knew there would be a lot of people. I knew they would probably be friendly for the most part. I knew that I would recognize some of the big names, and some of the smaller names, and that a lot of people would be nameless to me.

I didn’t realize how anxious I would feel every single time I found myself alone. I didn’t think I would be the one clinging to my friend’s coattails. I didn’t realize that I would miss the parties because I was tired, homesick, and frankly scared of going and getting lost in a sea of people.

That said, it was wonderful. Yes, it was a learning experience for me. I realized that since I’ve had children, since I was married, since most of my ‘friends’ dumped and deserted me after high school… I was hesitant. Cautious. Nervous. But it didn’t matter, in the end. It was as awesome as I knew it could be. I had great roommates -the strong, fun and funny Grace, the admirable,talented and sweet Maria and Laurin, whom I didn’t know very well but learned has a sense of humor, a great sense of style and a warm smile.  I met the woman who inspired me to start blogging and whose writing routinely makes me cry the ugly cry, Stacey.  I met Issa, whose beautiful and touching post about her Uncle Mark was chosen for the Community Keynote, and whom I love because she won’t take shit from anyone.  I met Maura, whose witty tweets have always made  me smile.  I met the Amazing Greis, and yes, she really is Amazing. I met Kirsten and Kari, and whether they like it or not they are also now my forever-friends.  I spent time walking the streets of Chicago with Renee, and I couldn’t have chosen a better companion.

I met so many other women and men – I have a stack of business cards to sort through nearly three inches tall. I got a chance to hug Heather Spohr, and did my best not to make a sad clown face. I stopped Undomestic Diva to hug her and try not to gush about how freakin’ gorgeous I think she is. I never got the guts to stop Tanis, Catherine or Sweetney but I got close a few times. I’ll get it next year, I swear! I got threatened by Jessica Bern and I had dinner with OHMommy.  Anissa recognized me and knew who I was. I spent time with Jenny the Bloggess and I swear, she is 7 kinds of sweet and funny.  I had a drink with VDog in her hotel room and met Mrs. Flinger. I met the lovely Loralee and Maggie (Dammit).  I hugged Grace. I hugged Marinka, much to her dismay, and went to a session with her, too! She voluntarily spent time with me, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t for blog fodder. I spent the weekend in the company of so many amazing writers that I can’t quite process it all.

LunchwithFriends9

Maura, Stacey, Me, Issa

The best day was Saturday. I had started to feel more comfortable. I had dinner with about 17 other wonderful, amazing bloggers – anyone have a complete list? – and despite the mediocre service, it was awesome. We discussed divorce and marriage, kids and blogging, food and friendships and everything in between. After we got back to the hotel I got together with Kari, Kirsten, Maura, Marinka, Stacey, Renee, Issa and Ben (he does great impressions, btw). We all flopped in chairs and on beds, and giggled about blood pooling in our asses and flappy vaginas. It was the best part of the night. For me… it may have been the best part of the weekend.

I didn’t get enough pictures, though you can see what few I did take on my Flickr stream.  I didn’t go to many parties, and those I stopped in I didn’t stay long. I was in bed by 11pm almost every night and I got drunk once.

It was a blast. I loved meeting every single one of you. Did I forget to link up to you? Tell me, for realz, I want to give you linky love. I didn’t meet a single person I didn’t like.

I’m so glad I went. I can’t wait until next year. NYC, here I come!

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Liar McLiar

Categories: making memories, technology | Tags: ,

I’m attending the Mommyblogging: “Balance” is a Bit, Fat, Lying, Mcliar LIE for Moms who Blog (and the rest of us too).  I am so excited for this session, because, um, YEAH.

1pm: So far, so good. The Strawberry Shortcake SWAG is awesome — they are sponsoring this session – and I’ve only managed to offend one person so far ( a nice older Asian lady sitting near me) when I adjusted my “feminine napkin” because I think I’m getting my period and NOT FAIR because it’s not yet TIME for my period WTF?.

Oh well. She probably doesn’t want to read this blog anyway. She doesn’t look like the swearing type. Or the p0rn type!

We interrupt your normal programming for the following announcement:
SQUEE! Marinka just came up and said hi to me!!!!
Thank you for your attention. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

1:15pm: The session is about to start, and the room is definitely filling up.  Not sure yet if it’s going to be a full house.  If you’re at BlogHer and reading this, there’s still room and SWAG! Come on by!

1:17pm: This session features Lisa Belkin writer of Motherlode for NYTimes, Angela Tseng of MommyBytes, OHMommy (Pauline) and Rita Arens of Surrender, Dorothy.

2:23pm: Holy crap, Lisa Belkin writes 2-3 posts a day. There is no way that balance can happen that way! Yikes! (PS, the session has started)  Mostly moms in the room, though definitely some non-moms. We’re about half & half SAHMs and WAHMs. Good mix!  And now the big question…. How many came to get advice on balance (a few)  and how many are here to get confirmation that balance is a really big fat liar McLiar lie? (most of us!)

2:27pm: Rita speaking now.  “I think balance is more about being on a balance beam, trying not to fall off.”  She is going on to say that you can only focus on one thing at a time, because “if you don’t pay attention to the area of your life that needs it when it needs it, you’re going to fall off.” Her final words? “You can have what you want, but you’ll have less.”

Lisa asks Angela, “What is the equation?” referring to balance. Angela says that for her, “you have to give things up. I don’t watch TV anymore. I don’t have time.”  She says that she blogs mostly in the evenings, but sometimes when her kids are awake.  She says the one thing she doesn’t have balance in? How much sleep she is getting. (Angela, you are not alone.)

2:34pm: Lisa wants to know how we decided how much of our lives to devote to blogging. Is it a conscious thing or do you just go? Rita says that she blogs a lot (5 times a day at her personal blog, twice at BlogHer, and more) but that she doesn’t see it as “carving out time” – she is just being herself.

Revelation: The way to attain balance is to get a husband who takes care of everything else so you can blog. I get it now. ::wink wink::

2:36pm: OHMommy says that she just gets sucked in! “Before you know it, it’s midnight…I find myself going to bed later and later.”  Rita responds, saying that she needs to “compartmentalize” in order to avoid getting sucked in.

2:38pm:  Lisa wants to know why our panelists aren’t angsty. She’s going for the jugular! Rita says “My daughter’s Barbie’s all blog. They all have laptops…. She’s totally into it!” She goes on to say that as long as you are not trying to avoid your children while indulging your habit, it’s “totally fine” for your children to see you.  She suggests that you can use it as a teaching experience — “Hey, it’s fine to have hobbies that aren’t you, kid”  (I agree!).

Angel says that she tries to involve her kids in her blog – they’re asking if there are comments about them, or if she’s posting about them. (They aren’t teenagers yet)

2:45pm: Lisa goes on to say that these kids are growing up with this as the norm — perhaps they’ll feel differently about this. Maybe they’ll feel like celebrities!

Question from the audience — I didn’t catch her name, crap.  She asks if there is no relaxation or serenity in our lives anymore, because we’re always doing something that is, in a sense, “work” — self development (blogging), etc. Rita says that she doesn’t find TV relaxing – but that “you have to have the laptop shut at certain times…. It’s Ok for them (the kids) to see you doing your thing, but it’s also important that they see you shut the laptop.”

2:48pm: Lisa says of professions/hobbies that include staring at screen…. “It’s a ball you need to keep your eye on” – because we are possibly increasing the chance that no one will ever speak to each other anymore.

2:51pm: Another question from the audience…. Jennifer,  Confessions of an It Girl.  She says that she wants to know how the panelists express what is important to them to other people…. how do they express that “Yes, this is a priority for me….you need to suck it up”.  Angela says that her husband knows that if she’s cranky, she needs to blog.  OHMommy says her husband also knows that she just needs to blog, she needs her “me” time.   Rita says that she has one child, and she respects big families but for her, one child is all that they need, because there are other things in their lives that need attention and adding more children means taking attention away from other things. She says she has faced criticism from friends and family about that decision, that it has been called selfish, but that’s what they’ve decided is right for their family.

2:54pm: Angela’s mom is speaking! She says she is very proud of her daughter.  She says she’d like to communicate with her daughter but she’s too heavily scheduled, but she can’t call her because she’s too busy! However, Angela’s blog gave her a lot of comfort because she enjoys reading it and keeping up with her daughter this way. She also says that she’s not a blogger, but she’s here and having a great time!

2:57pm: Does your mother read your blog? We often receive criticism because we’re doing things wrong, or doing too many times.  Lisa says sometimes she wonders if her mother is right – she’s not having enough fun. Sometimes, she thinks she’s having a lot of fun.  She finds blogging as an outlet. OHMommy is joining in, saying that last year was a tough year for her because she had three kids who were napping throughout the day so that at least one kid was napping at any time between 10 and 4.  At that time, she started getting really into blogging because she was home all the time, stuck.  She says, “Wow, what a community.”

Rita says, “I think a lot of us started blogging when we felt isolated.” Lisa says that her mother read books rather than blogging – and says she thinks it’s “lopsided” because it’s not interactive. “There is a community that fills a space in so many people’s lives… it’s not just what you’re putting in, it’s what you’re getting out of it.”

3:00pm: Lisa asks “Are women the only people talking about this” referring to balance.  Our audience says yes, we think they are having trouble with it… but not necessarily talking about it.  An audience member (I didn’t catch her name) says that many men are not staying home with their families. She believes it’s more of a generational thing.  Another audience member (didn’t introduce herself) says that she also thinks the roles are reversing because her husband is staying home with a sick child but her father never would have done something like that.

3:06pm: Jodi from Jodifur jumps in on the male/female balance issue – are they talking about it.  She says that her husband has worked it out with his employer to ensure he’s home to be with her family, and that at times he works from home after bedtime.  She says it was a condition of him taking the new job – and that she believes that people will talk about work-life balance if you bring it up.  Angela rebuts to say that it definitely depends on the corporate culture at the place that you work. (Me? I believe that smaller companies are more likely to work with you.)

3:09pm: Another clever, well-spoken audience member points out that technology has affected our lives in many ways, and our parents lived in an “easier” time – it was easier to shut down because the world shut down.  She says that she believes our country is getting cranky – and that we need a nap.

3:11pm: Audience member Kristin from Manic Mommies says she wants to give props to the Dads in the blogging world — she’s seeing more father being willing to speak up and talk about their struggles.  Lisa disagrees a bit, saying that she doesn’t hear from Dads very often.  However, she, and Rita, believe that there is a change starting. Author of Toast on the Ceiling says that her husband would never do it – because it would be “setting himself up for ridicule” but that for her husband – it’s not even a possibility.   Angela responds and says her husband doesn’t want to blog or reach out into the community but that he does understand the difficulty in balancing.

3:15pm: Michelle from CafeMom says their founder is a man — and that people always ask him why there isn’t a CafeDad, and that his response is “Well, it’s called ESPN.”  She says that she thinks as time goes on, we’ll see more dad bloggers. “More and more men will come blogging….The more accepting that we are of DadBloggers the more we’ll see.”

I’m not sure why we are talking about whether Dad bloggers are up and coming. Oh, good, Lisa is bringing it back around. Although this is a great change to plug my husband’s new blog! Check out Evil Emu of Doom. (he’s silly)

3:22pm: Rita and OHMommy are saying that it’s hard to respect the privacy of the people in our lives. For bloggers, she says, “it’s especially hard” because people know that, usually, we’re writing nonfiction.  Rita says that when she and her husband were both blogging, there were things that they learned about each other: “Oh, that made you mad?”  She goes on to say that you need to  make sure you present the full perspective – a “complex person, especially someone you love” in order to ensure that you aren’t hurting the feelings of the person that you are writing about.  Don’t always just “bitch that he didn’t take out the trash.”

3:24pm: Lisa says that she is writing about parenting while raising two teenage kids – and she asks him whether it’s OK to post something.  This past year her son was applying to college – and she had to ride the balance beam of talking about it without giving too much detail. “No blog post is worth a relationship… but you can’t do this without exploring certain territory.”  Rita agrees and says that she thinks it’s important to have a conversation with friends and family and say “You know I write stories, where are your boundaries?” She says “It depends on their comfort level, too” – and not just ours.

Last question of the day. Carrie says that she loves to take pictures, but that sometimes it made her feel as though she wasn’t “in” the moment. “I purposely set aside my camera and try to be in the moment.” She says she has tried to make the same commitment with her blog.  She also says that at times, if she really wants to write about something, she is lucky enough to have friends who allow her to guest-post on their blogs anonymously.

And we’re done.

So what do you think?

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If you see me at BlogHer

Categories: about mommygeekology, making memories | Tags: ,

I’ve been blogging for about a year now (I’ll get those archive posts here in a few months) and since I began, I have wondered if I would ever be lucky & gutsy enough to go. Just one year into blogging, I’ve met some of the most amazing people; women that I consider my friends. Women that I know that I could tell my thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, flaws & mistakes.

Friends.

In just a couple of weeks, I am going to meet these friends for the first time, face to face. I’m typically a very outgoing person – starring role in the school play, took drama and public speaking on purpose, and I’m always the one to engage in friendly conversation with the grocery bagger, elevator-buddy or kind old lady on the bus corner.

Meeting you makes me anxious, though.

We are all safe here, behind our respective computer screens. Though we micro-blog, blog and generally broadcast our every move, sharing intimate details about our lives, our families, and our feelings… we do so (mostly) behind a cloak of anonymity. For some, the cloak is thin – our true identities more easily revealed. For others, like myself, it is thicker, purposefully. Pseudonyms and private domain names exchanged for true names, local details erased, vague.

BlogHer, as you well may know, is a short period of time where that cloak is lifted. I will peek out from under it, to meet you, and to allow you to meet me. Just me. For better or worse.

I had a nightmare about BlogHer last night. I was forced to choose whether or not to go – choosing between a work trip and this conference. I had a co-worker/friend attempting to convince me to attend the work trip. I had Jenny, of Miss Grace’s Disgrace, convincing me to go with her, get drunk, and party. But the entire dream had a strange, dark feeling. A sense of danger, of sadness, of anxiety.

I know that deep down, I am terrified to meet each and every one of you. I hope that I can do a good job of hiding it, removing it, shoving it down, because I want to enjoy this. I need to enjoy this.

If you see me at BlogHer, there are a few things that you may or may not want to know. I doubt that you’ll remember these, unless you are one of my awesome, amazing roomies. Or perhaps one of my bestest blogging buddies. Nevertheless, here it is – the list that every blogger who is not attending BlogHer hates to see (and my apologies to you, if you are not going. You probably don’t want to read this. If you wanted to go, but can’t, may I direct you over to BlogHer @ Home? Great project, and from what I hear, the two lovely masterminds behind the project are doing their best to score you some amazing swag!)

  • I have never traveled outside of New England, except for three trips to Florida to see my husband’s family. Yes, I am pathetic. I haven’t even been to all the states in New England, and I could drive there in a day.
  • I am not at all afraid of flying, and intend to sleep on the flight over, which I will be boarding at 8 effing AM on Thursday. Good lord, people. Do you realize how EARLY I am going to have to get up?
  • I have been told that when I get excited, I tend to speak very quickly and very loudly. I may or may not have also been told that this is annoying. My sincerest apologies to you, as I will be excited for the entire three and a half days that I am in Chicago.
  • I have a smartphone (T-Mobile G1) and I’m a bit addicted to it.
  • I don’t have many nice clothes, though I will probably indulge in one or two purchases before I leave. Likely something from New York & Company, likely a skirt and a cute shirt or two. But I love me some jeans, and I am used to being in my sweatpants/pajamas by 7pm.
  • I am not a great drinker. I’m pretty pathetic, and honestly a glass and a half of white wine and I am feeling it. I have been truly drunk only three or four times in my lifetime (short though it is, see next bullet) and may or may not get drunk at BlogHer. I don’t think I will embarrass myself, unless falling asleep wherever I stand at the end of that third margarita counts as embarrassing. In that case, I’m fucked.
  • I’m 24 years old.  I realize that many of you are older than I am. Most of my bestest blogging buddies are older than I am. All of them, in fact, I believe. I’ve been told that I carry myself well for my age, and that I’m quite “mature”, but I also get a lot of “You’re only 24? And you have two children? And you’re married?!” Usually the next assumption is that I got pregnant, then married. That seems to give folks a certain impression of my life. Let me set you straight here: that is not the case. Cupcake is three and we’ve been married over four years. Math, people, math! ::wink wink::
  • I will buy you drinks all night if you come to a karaoke bar with me.
  • I’m a hugger. And a kisser of cheeks. And a slapper of asses.
  • I will probably be wearing makeup, but in real real life, I usually forget to put it on.
  • When am watching something intently, be it a seminar speaker or a movie, I tend to get this look on my face that people describe as “pissed”. I am not, in fact, “pissed”, according to either definition¹ ².
  • I enjoy coffee in the morning, but not so much in the afternoon. Coffee in the evening is fine by me, though. The caffeine doesn’t bother me or keep me awake. So, midnight Starbucks run? I’m in!
  • I really do love technology, and I really am a total geek. Forgive me if I ramble. Occupational hazard!

This list hardly prepares you for the potential train wreck that might be me that weekend, as I’ve never traveled that far by myself, never traveled by myself period, and will also be away from both my husband and my babies, voluntarily, for the first time since being married/their birth. Yes. I will try not to cry too loudly into my pillow at night.

If I do begin to cry uncontrollably, you can easily distract me with the following things:

  • Shouting, “Hey, look! A new post on Gizmodo!”
  • Saying nonchalantly, “Is that Eliza Dushku over there?”
  • Asking “Would you like to sing the soundtrack from Wicked with me?”

In any case, I am excited. A bit anxious, a bit nervous, but it will surely be an experience, whatever that means. If you’re going, I look forward to seeing you there. Really.

And I promise, I’ll post an updated picture so you can find me!  :)

___________________________

¹ pissed (p?st)
adj.   Vulgar Slang

  1. Extremely irritated or angry. Often used with off.
  2. Chiefly British Intoxicated; drunk.

² probably. As I noted earlier, I am not very good at drinking, so if I’ve had a glass of wine or an Amaretto & Diet Coke (drink of choice), I may, in fact, be pissed.

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