I have only one to share with you today, becuase it’s damn funny and too long to put on Twitter.

On Saturday, Cupcake, who as you may or may not know is freshly three years old, wanted my attention. Big surprise. She expresses this desire by saying, over and over again, “Mommy, I need you!”

If I do not respond immediately (by rushing to her side) she will continue to repeat this phrase, increasing volume and shrill-ness with each passing iteration.

However, on Saturday, I can say for sure that she did not say, after I refused to come to her side immediately, “Mommy, I fucking need you.”

No, she totally did not do that.

Shit. I’m fucked.

I did not reneg on my promise to myself of unpacking all the remaining boxes of crap err, valuable possessions this weekend in favor of sitting on my tuckus.  Definitely not me!

While we’re at it, let me just say that there is no way that I booked a plane ticket to Chicago for BlogHer this July but failed to buy a conference pass, thus leaving me with plane tickets to a conference I can’t actually attend. No way would I be that idiotic. Not me!

And to be very clear, I did not fail to test the blog comment plugin on my fancy new WordPress blog, thus making my commenters feel unloved and appearing unresponsive because I’m apparently one of those stupid end-users that I get frustrated with. No. Not me!