The moment you think about getting a divorce, you also decide to drop your marital vows of being together for better or worse. Now that your spouse is out of the picture, your new ride or die is your divorce lawyer — at least during the divorce process. While divorce cases can get messy and emotionally taxing, they could be less burdensome if you take care of the obstacles early on. One of the best ways of tackling it is getting yourself an excellent divorce attorney.
Whether you’re responding to divorce papers from your spouse or filing a divorce petition yourself, here are five tips to heart.
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1. Find a lawyer who has an expansive definition of a toxic divorce
Your first line of defense in a divorce case is working with a lawyer whose definition of unhealthy separation includes the possibility of the warring partner exhibiting extreme behavior. These would consist of outright refusal to pay child support, attempting to destroy his spouse’s reputation, alienating the children, violating visitation and child custody arrangements, or even sequestering the conjugal properties in his favor.
Make sure to hire a reputable lawyer who can help you avoid committing mistakes during your divorce. Your lawyer must have the right skill-set that could help mitigate the occurrence of these toxic behaviors by incorporating very specific agreement into the divorce decree. These agreements should be in full detail and itemized in the said decree. There should also be a corresponding penalty imposable should the other party violate the stated terms.
2. Secure a court-appointed judge for the case
Parties in stressful divorces usually spend more time in court, so it’s better if the judge is already familiar with the matter. Through this, he can decide better and impose punishments and sanctions when necessary. A judge who has long been working on the same case can better determine whether either of the parties can create an unrelenting stressful situation in the long run.
With this knowledge, he could take drastic measures within his power to disperse the contention. Suppose one of the spouses reduced child support or refused to pay it, the judge can issue a court order to impose the collection of child support from the said spouse’s salary and be paid directly to the child or his guardian.
3. Designate a trustee
Your attorney could also be the trustee who would help in the disposal of marital assets like jewelry, retirement accounts, pensions, vacation homes, art, boats, cars, real estate, and cash. Let’s face it. It’s pretentious to expect that your contentious spouse will be ‘fair’ as he sells or re-appoints marital assets. It’s better to designate a trustee to avoid any further issues regarding your personal and real properties. They’re responsible for itemizing everything and deciding how, when, and where things will be divided.
A toxic divorce could take a toll on your emotional and physical health, so you should put self-care as your number one priority. You may have been your child’s welfare, your job, and your household responsibilities before your own health. Now is the time to take a step back and let the trustee deal with the possible escalating conflicts and other property partition issues.
4. Have a strong support system
Even if you spend a lot of time in court, divorce isn’t always about the couple wanting to separate and their issues with child custody and properties. Part of this process is healing from the pain and confusion brought by the separation. While you need to settle things in court, you also need to gather strength to make it through the process unscathed. This is why it’s crucial for you to have a great support system, even if it’s only two or three close friends or family members.
Choose to confide in people who are empathetic and trustworthy to know what exactly is going on. They should check in with you through a phone call, text, or email every day to make sure that you’re physically and emotionally okay. This is more needed, especially if you experienced physical violence before. If you receive threats from your warring spouse, make sure to let your trusted friends know and report the same to the police. It’s also best to secure a protective order to set boundaries and keep the offender away from you.
5. Stop stressing about what you can’t control
This is something that only you can do for yourself. The toxicity and negativity of your situation may lead you to exhaustion. To keep yourself from falling into this situation, accept that your partner would never change and forgive yourself for your decisions. You can’t control them, but you can change the way you perceive their actions. Don’t engage in their toxic antics and compose yourself. If it gets too overwhelming, remember to breathe and take one step at a time. You have your lawyer to back you up, so you’re not alone in this battle.
Yes, divorce is a scary and exhausting process, but if you have a great support system and you work with a reliable divorce lawyer, it’s guaranteed that half of the battle is already won.
